Rain Check
by bemj11
Summary: A flight into insanity. Seriously, guys, don't hate me for this. I just couldn't help it. Holmes and Watson are lost in time, Hopkins is a vampire, and Gregson must use his newly developed super powers to fight off evil.
1. Chapter 1

"Has reality taken a rain check?" Hopkins wanted to know.

"Yes." Gregson confirmed. "Now where the devil is Jones?"

"He refused to be involved." Bradstreet offered. "Can't say I blame him. I mean, seriously. Holmes and Watson are off gallivanting about in the future, Hopkins has been turned into a vampire, Gregson has-what were they called? - superpowers, Holmes has a daughter, Lestrade's wife is a witch, and she and her husband have disappeared entirely."

"They're in the future too." Gregson offered.

Hopkins shot him a look. "Now how do you know that?"

Gregson shrugged. "I peeked at the next chapter." He confessed.

"Why are we starting in the middle anyway?" Hopkins wanted to know. "That's bad storytelling. You don't start in the middle."

Bradstreet chuckled. "Can you think of a convincing way to make all this happen?"

"One or two, maybe, but not everything." Hopkins conceded.

"Well, there you go. If it were just one or two things, we would have been fine. But as it is, we're starting here."

"Where is here, anyway?" Hopkins asked.

Gregson rolled his eyes. "For you, some vampire royalty is taking over London. For me, so is some insane super villain. Meanwhile, poor Bradstreet is unwittingly falling in love with Holmes' daughter, and Lestrade and his wife are preparing to rescue Holmes and Watson for whoever summoned them into the future."

"But I don't want to be a vampire." Hopkins whined. "That involves drinking people's blood."

Bradstreet scoffed. "You think _you_ have problems. Did you hear what he said about Holmes' daughter? I'm a married man, Gregson. And besides, Holmes would kill me."

"Only after he got back from the future and found out he had a daughter." Gregson tried to console the other Inspector.

"Can I turn into a bat, since I'm a vampire?" Hopkins asked. Gregson shook his head.

"You're a 'new' vampire. You have super strength, super speed, you're body is as cold as ice, and you sparkle in the sunlight."

Hopkins stared at Gregson. So did Bradstreet. "He what?" Bradstreet asked, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh.

"You sparkle." Gregson said. Then he shrugged. "But no bats."

"What about coffins?" Hopkins demanded. "I'm not sleeping in any coffins."

"No coffins. You can't be staked, either. You have to be burned to death to be killed. I think."

"_That_ is absurd." Hopkins declared.

"Anyway, you're supposed to be looking for someone named Carlisle Cullen." Gregson said. "And you're supposed to stop the vampire royalty from taking over London. Now get to it."

"I don't want to." Hopkins grumbled, but he headed for the door anyway. "Sparkling vampires. Ha. You'd never have scared us with _that_ story growing up."

Gregson turned to Bradstreet. "I am _not_ falling in love with Holmes' daughter." The latter informed him. "I refuse."

"If it's any consolation, your wife will never find out." Gregson offered. When Bradstreet simply glared at him in reply, he sighed. "Just go and _pretend _to fall in love with her. Tell your wife that it's part of some secret case you've been called in on, or something, but _go_."

Bradstreet left as well, grumbling almost as much as Hopkins had been.

Down the hall, Jones peeked his head out of the office. "Is it safe?" He asked.

"No." Gregson replied. "We've only just begun."

Jones swore, and a second later the door slammed shut. With his enhanced hearing, Gregson could make out the sound of the lock turning.

Gregson sighed. "What in heaven's name have we done to deserve this?" He asked, not for the first time.

* * *

Disclaimer: Sherlock Holmes and the boys at Scotland Yard do not belong to me.


	2. Chapter 2

Gradually the world stopped spinning and came into focus. Watson looked over, and was immensely relieved to see that Holmes was still with him. He was slightly less relieved, however, when he noticed the look on the other man's face.

Watson looked around him. There were people everywhere, and all dressed in some of the most outlandish clothes he had ever seen. Some of them, in fact, were only half dressed!

Someone grabbed his arm and kissed him on the cheek. "Hey baby." The woman said, her voice soft, and low, and-

That was Lestrade's wife. Watson shook his head to clear it. What the devil-?

She was maneuvering him through the crowd, and unbuttoning his coat as she did so. When he would have protested, she simply slapped his hand away lightly and untied his tie. "You stick out like a sore thumb. Now quite fidgeting."

It was then that Watson realized that the woman's shoulders were bare, and that her dress didn't quite reach her knees. He found himself looking away as she insisted on removing his vest, and hoped she hadn't noticed that he was blushing.

She finally stopped undressing him, and stuffed his clothes in some large, odd looking bin. "There, now we have a chance of getting you out of here without being caught.

"Holmes." Watson finally remembered. Elisabeth grinned at him and winked.

"Giles is with him. They'll be with us shortly, if all goes well."

"Where are we? Look at all these people" Watson asked, peering around. It was a better alternative to staring at Inspector Lestrade's wife. The neckline of the sleeveless dress she was wearing was really-

"It's called a shopping mall. People come here to 'hang out,' as the kids call it." Elisabeth explained. "As to when, which is what you _really_ want to know, it's the year 2010."

Watson stared at the woman. "What?"

"2010. May of 2010, to be precise. We're in the future."

"I see." Watson managed. An odd ringing sound startled him.

Elisabeth pulled a strange metallic object from her handbag. "Hello?" She said, holding it up to her ear. "All right, we're on our way." She put the object away and turned to Watson. "We've got to go. Quickly. Someone's on to the others."

She led the way through the shopping mall as if she had been doing as much all her life. They reached the doors without incident, but as they stepped outside, someone shouted after them.

Elisabeth swore. Watson was appalled. The woman grabbed him by the wrist and started running.

Watson stared at the large black object that came roaring up in front of them, but Elisabeth didn't hesitate. She raced up to it, opened the door, and shoved the doctor inside. Then she slammed it and pulled open the front door so she could slip up front with her husband. A loud roaring sound made Watson jump, and the huge black box was moving far too quickly for the doctor's comfort.

Holmes was in the back seat as well, looking, well, odd.

"You have something on your cheek." Holmes said, motioning to where Elisabeth had kissed him. He felt his face growing hot all over again as Lestrade raised an eyebrow and turned to look at his wife.

"Have you been kissing strange men again?" He asked. His wife smiled.

"Were you and Sherlock holding hands?" She retorted. In the back, Holmes colored.

"He hugged me!" Holmes hissed at Watson, who was trying to get lipstick off his cheek.

"We're being followed. Wonderful." Lestrade complained.

"Can you go any faster?" Elisabeth asked.

"I'm going 50. In town. I'm breaking the law, _and_ I nearly just ran over a boy scout helping an old lady across the street."

"They're on to you, you see." Elisabeth explained to Holmes and Watson. "_We_ had an advantage. They were expecting you, and got us instead. This time they got what they were looking for."

"Who?" Holmes asked. "Why? Where are we?"

"In the future." Lestrade answered, as he swerved around another large box, this one blue instead of black like the one they were in.

"The future?" Holmes repeated incredulously.

Lestrade nodded. "We were brought here by some rich billionaire who's trying to take over the world. Why they thought you two would be any help in that area is beyond me." He added as he left the city behind and increased their already alarming speed.

"But now you're here." Elisabeth told Holmes. "So we can get back home."

Lestrade nodded. "All you have to do is logic us back home by explaining why time travel is impossible, Sherlock."

Holmes' eyebrows were threatening to lift right off his forehead. "Do you think that will work?"

Lestrade was sure it would. "If a man can invent the improbability drive by punching in how improbable it is that something like that would work and then adding a cup of tea, then this will work with no problem."

Holmes and Watson looked at each other. "What?" They asked.

Elisabeth rolled her eyes. "Have you been reading that rubbish again?" She demanded.

"I had to do something while you were discovering the shopping mall." Lestrade retorted.

"Did you ever figure out those-what did you call them? - video games?" His wife asked curiously.

"No. I blew myself up with an explosive device of some sort, and guts flew all over the television screen. It was disgusting." Lestrade cleared his throat. "At any rate, would you mind, Sherlock?"

Holmes shook his head. "Well you see, time travel, while an interesting theory, is impossible, because if you traveled back in time to do something, then in the past it would have already have been done, which would mean that you wouldn't know to go back in time and so then it wouldn't be done. And then of course there's the idea that you couldn't exist in the past without changing it even if it were possible, which would completely jeopardize the future."

There was a loud crash, and everything went black.

* * *

Disclaimer: Sherlock and the boys at Scotland Yard do not belong to me.


	3. Chapter 3

"Dr. Cullen?" Hopkins stood nervously on the other side of the door. "May I speak with you a moment?"

The door opened, cautiously. A young man who was so attractive that Hopkins could picture every woman he knew running up to him and begging him to bite them stood in front of him.

"Inspector Hopkins." The Inspector introduced himself. "I'm supposed to help you save London from a bunch of vampires."

Cullen nodded. "I see. Come on in." He studied the Inspector curiously for a moment. "You're newly turned, aren't you?" He asked.

Hopkins blinked. "I think I was bitten last night, if that's what you're asking."

"And yet you seem so in control." Cullen commented. "You should be half mad from the thirst."

"Thirst?" Hopkins asked. "Oh, you mean that feeling that someone lit a fire in my throat? Yeah, that's kind of annoying."

"Have you been around any humans since you've been turned?" Cullen asked.

"Yeah, down at the Yard. Gregson, and Bradstreet. Not Jones, though. He doesn't want to be involved in any of this, you know."

Cullen looked puzzled. "And you didn't bite any of them?"

Hopkins thought for a minute. "No. Although I thought about it when Gregson said I was going to start sparkling in the sunlight."

Cullen looked even more confused. "They know about you, then?"

"That I'm a vampire? Yeah. Bradstreet was all set to help me find a coffin until we found out I don't have to worry about bursting into flames in the sunlight. They just said I could go feed off of that murderer that's probably going to get off. I told them I wasn't _that_ hungry yet."

Cullen stared at the other vampire. "Are you serious?" He finally asked.

* * *

Disclaimer: Sherlock and the boys at the Yard do not belong to me.


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm married." Bradstreet said. Charlene shrugged.

"So?" She asked.

"I know your father. He'll kill me."

"Not if he doesn't find out." Charlene Holmes replied brightly.

Bradstreet groaned. "I love my wife."

"You can love more than one person, Roger." Charlene said as she gave him a winning smile.

Bradstreet shook his head. "This is wrong."

Charlene pouted. "Please?"

"No." Bradstreet decided. "I'm not doing this. Goodbye, Charlene."

"I'll see you later." Charlene called after him as he darted away, cursing under his breath.

* * *

Disclaimer: Sherlock and the boys do not belong to me.


	5. Chapter 5

"Lestrade! What the devil are you wearing?" Gregson demanded, eyeing the Inspector's shades, black turtleneck, and dark jeans.

An eyebrow went up. "What are _you _wearing?"

Gregson rolled his eyes. "It's called spandex. It's what superheroes wear."

"_You're_ a superhero?" Lestrade was skeptical. He had read about super heroes during his visit to the future.

"I am. I can shoot lightning out of my hands." Gregson confirmed. "I see you all made it back from the future."

"Mr. Holmes used logic."

"That sounds about right." Gregson agreed. "If you'll excuse me, I'm supposed to be fighting this super villain now."

"Where are the others?" Lestrade wanted to know.

"Hopkins is stopping the vampires, and Bradstreet is falling in love with Holmes' daughter."

"I have a daughter?" Holmes demanded incredulously.

Gregson nodded. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

"Don't get killed or anything." Lestrade told him.

Gregson sighed. Lestrade blinked. "Oh."

"Sorry." Gregson said. Then he flew from the room, his cape flapping majestically behind him.

* * *

Disclaimer: Sherlock and the boys at the Yard do not belong to me.


	6. Chapter 6

"This is stupid." Hopkins declared. "And it's getting worse by the chapter. I'm heading back to Scotland Yard. That's where everybody else is."

Cullen nodded. "Do you mind if I join you? I've never met a super hero before."

Hopkins shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"

Using their super-human speed, the two were able to reach the station in record time. Bradstreet jumped, then glared at Hopkins as they arrived.

"You startled me." He grumbled. "Who's this?"

"Dr. Cullen." Hopkins said. "This is Inspector Bradstreet."

"Nice to meet you." Cullen said.

"Too bad it's not under better circumstances." Bradstreet replied cheerfully. They went inside, and found Holmes, Watson, and the Lestrades inside.

"You're back!" Hopkins cried.

"You're a vampire!" Lestrade retorted.

"Stay away from my daughter." Holmes growled at Bradstreet. "Even if she_ shouldn't _exist."

"I'm trying!" Bradstreet protested. "I really am. But she won't leave me alone, and Gregson says-"

Gregson was back. "I'm outnumbered!" He declared, his eyes wide. "I thought you were supposed to take care of the vampires, Hopkins!"

"They teamed up?" Bradstreet was impressed.

"You didn't tell me there were three of them." Hopkins complained.

Lestrade sighed. Then his eyes flew open, and he screamed-

"I am not _screaming._" Lestrade protested indignantly.

Lestrade sighed. Then his eyes flew open, and he gasped and fell to the floor. Watson was by his side almost as quickly as the inhuman Cullen.

Both turned to study the group before them, but it was Gregson who actually said it.

"He's dead."

"You knew?" Hopkins demanded.

Elisabeth Lestrade glared at the super villain who had just killed her husband. "This is ridiculous." She announced, in a tone that dared him or anyone else to even breathe without her persmission.I've had enough of this foolishness. Now you be still. You too." She told the three vampires who were eyeing the humans as if they might make a tasty snack. The super villain, and the vampires, for that matter, decided it was better to do as Elisabeth had said.

Then she turned and drew a circle on the ground and began chanting and muttering.

"What is she doing?" Bradstreet wanted to know.

"She's a witch, remember?" Hopkins whispered back.

"Shhh!" Elisabeth turned her glare on the two Inspectors.

"Sorry." They mumbled.

A bright light shot upwards from the ground inside the circle, and shifted and swirled and gradually became a person.

The young lady standing before them had long brown hair, blue eyes, and glasses. She looked to be in her early twenties. She was also dressed in outlandish clothing rather remniscent of what the Lestrades were wearing.

The young lady looked around, confused. Then her eyes met Elisabeth's and she swallowed nervously. "Hi." She said. "Can I help you?"

* * *

Disclaimer: Sherlock and the boys do not belong to me.


	7. Chapter 7

"You are the author known as _bemj11_?" Elisabeth demanded sternly.

The young woman's eyes widened, and she nodded. "Yes. Is something the matter?"

Elisabeth gestured around her. "Does it look like something's the matter?"

The young woman looked around. She looked confused when she caught sight of the vampires, then downright alarmed when she got to Gregson. "Um, uh, I suppose this is not what Scotland Yard is normally like." She offered after a minute.

"You think?" Elisabeth scoffed. "Vampires? Super heroes? Time travel?"

"Oh." And the young woman blushed. "I see."

"What on earth were you thinking?" Elisabeth demanded.

The woman shrugged. "I was bored. I thought it might be fun."

Elisabeth sighed. "You thought it might be fun. Well it isn't. For any of us."

The woman nodded solemnly. "Yes, I see that now."

Elisabeth smiled. "Good. Now fix it, or I'll feed you to the vampires."

The girl nodded, and pulled out her notebook and a pencil. She started scribbling, and the three evil vampires and the super villain disappeared in puffs of pink smoke.

Cullen chuckled. "As interesting as this has been, I should rather prefer to go back to my own stories." He said to the young woman. She smiled, charmed, and nodded. "Don't forget about us, now." He said as a doorway appeared in the middle of the room and a small vampire waltzed through.

"Carlisle! We've been looking everywhere for you!" The tiny woman pulled him into a hug. "Come on, you're in the wrong story, silly."

"I did live back then." Cullen pointed out mildly. Then he turned and nodded to Hopkins and Bradstreet. "Nice meeting you."

"Goodbye." Bradstreet replied as the two vampires stepped back through the doorway.

"Where's Charlene?" The young woman with the notebook asked.

"Here." The girl in question popped into the room. Then she too disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"She wasn't at all developed anyway, you know." The young woman commented ruefully. "Sorry Bradstreet. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Bradstreet shrugged. "Just never do something like this again." He said easily.

"I promise." She replied with fervor. Then she turned to Gregson, looking a bit sheepish. "Sorry about the spandex."

"You should be." He said dryly. "It's humiliating." A second later he was dressed in his normal attire, much to everyone's relief.

Hopkins cleared his throat. "Can I stop being a _sparkly _vampire now?" He asked hopefully. "Please?"

The woman nodded. "Sorry Hopkins." She said, and poof! He was once again his normal, human self. He grinned at the girl, and at Gregson, and even at Holmes, delighted to be himself again. "I'll have some good stuff for you soon." The girl promised.

"What about me?" Bradstreet wanted to know. Gregson didn't ask, though he clearly wanted to.

"We'll get there, guys. Just be patient." The young woman replied. "Now what's left? The vampires are taken care of, the super powers have been dealt with, Holmes took care of that time travel business rather nicely."

"My husband is still dead." Elisabeth reminded her severely.

The woman winced. "He wasn't going to stay dead, honest."

"Tell _him_ that." Elisabeth replied.

The woman sighed. Then she began writing again. A second later Lestrade blinked, and sat up. He was up on his feet a second later, and eyeing the young woman and her notebook warily.

"I don't scream." He informed her.

The woman nodded and stared at the floor. "Sorry."

"That hurt, you know."

"I know." She mumbled.

"You're a writer. You need to take this seriously. These are people's lives you're playing with." He continued.

"I know." It was barely a whisper now. "Sorry."

He smiled. "No harm done, it seems. Just remember this." He cleared his throat. "And give someone else a hard time for a bit. I'm tired of getting beat up every story."

She nodded, looking a little less like she wanted to disappear into a hole in the floor. Then she looked around.

"Um, I know I've put you through a lot of trouble, but could I get your autographs?" She asked.

"Sure." Bradstreet agreed. "Why not?"

Autographs were collected, and the woman grinned at them all before returning to her notebook. "Well, goodbye, then."

"Goodbye." They all said.

She began writing again, and she herself promptly disappeared in a puff of pink smoke.

"I'm going home." Gregson decided.

Hopkins yawned. "Apparently vampires don't sleep. I'm exhausted."

"I could use a drink." Bradstreet decided.

Lestrade turned to his wife. "We should probably make sure the kids haven't torn the house apart." He said.

Watson looked at Elisabeth, and his eyes went wide. "That young lady didn't change you back to normal!" He exclaimed.

Elisabeth laughed. "Whatever she's done in this story will end with this story, Doctor Watson. Everything will return to what it was."

Watson looked relieved as they left, but Holmes only looked thoughtful.

Elisabeth turned to her husband. "Shall we go home, love? Now that both of us are back to normal?"

He laughed, and she winked. "Is that meant to make people wonder?" He asked as they headed for home.

She laughed, but didn't reply.

* * *

Disclaimer: Sherlock and the boys do not belong to me.


End file.
